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Catch-25: A Weird Brain in The Art World

October 5th, 2017 by Emma

“I bet my brain is weirder than your brain”, said a customer yesterday, as I was running my Mum’s music shop. We were having a conversation about how all of us think differently and how life never pans out the way we imagined when we were younger. I didn’t know how to respond to what he said, so I just said, ‘who knows?!’

I’m 25 years old.

Why is it that when you’re a teenager, your twenties seem like they’re going to be easy-going and fun with a clear path of how your life is going to pan out? (Well, perhaps this is just how I felt.) When you’re in your twenties, wow- you’re going to be so grown up and it will be a time where you travel the world, soul-searching, meeting new people, getting offered opportunity after opportunity, then finally landing your dream job, settling into a grind you’re super comfortable with. Hey, perhaps you’ll even meet the love of your life along the way, elope in a tropical island and start thinking about the ‘baby’ word. Hah- I think not. My 15 year old self would be beside herself if she knew what being in her twenties entailed!

OK- it’s not all bad. I still get asked for ID when I buy a lottery ticket, so at least I still look 15. Then again, perhaps this isn’t a good thing..

Granted, many people, a couple of my friends in fact, have indeed done the travelling, settled in a good job and (I assume) are enjoying the grind of life. It is possible. But I can’t help but think about where I’ve gone wrong. Well, is it wrong – or is it just different?

BEING HONEST WITH MYSELF

After talking with a friend, who is also a creative/artistic/perplexed type, I’m starting to realise that perhaps my life isn’t going the way I planned because of the way my brain is wired. It’s as if my brain is it’s own ‘catch-22’- I’m very idealistic, I have all these dreams and goals that I set myself but I’m too self-critical to do anything about them. Before I start walking down the path to these ‘unrealistic’ goals, I stop myself before I’ve even put my shoes on. Instead of just snapping out of it and getting on with the tasks at hand, I question my ability to the nth degree. I can’t do it. It will take too long. I’m not good enough. So, nothing gets done and life stays the same.

Hold on, it gets a little more complicated.

I then get fed up of life staying the same and can’t understand why it doesn’t change. The answer is written right here in front of me and yet, I still don’t understand why I’m in my mid-twenties with not much progression. I’m troubled with my own intellect and stupidity all at once. I’m analytical, able and dedicated in my approach of setting goals and imagining the endgame, but then become blank, careless and doubtful about the actions that are needed to be carried out to get to these goals. On top of this, if I do start a task, my impatience leaves me unsatisfied with the length of time it will actually take to complete.

Unfortunately, this brain wiring doesn’t bode well with a career in the art world. The art world is a very competitive, scary and difficult place to succeed. Quite often, galleries won’t even consider you if you don’t have an MA, multiple press features and numerous residencies under your belt, regardless of how ‘good’ or ‘innovative’ your artwork is.

On a personal level, I find this really hard to deal with. Due to my past indecisiveness and self-doubt, I’ve accumulated a student loan of over £40,000. This isn’t so much of a big deal because the pay back methods are quite chilled out here, but what it does mean is that I’m unable to apply for any other student-type loan. So, a Masters will only happen if I spend a year or so working to save for it. Granted, this is how most people get themselves through a Masters degree but I struggle to even envisage working 9-5 sat behind a desk or till any more than I already have. It’s a catch-22 all over again.

From recent experiences, I’ve learned that life is way too short to be unhappy in your everyday. When I look back on the days of working in retail, with the constant clock watching and longing to get home- that isn’t a life I want to live. I totally get it- woe is me! These are first world problems and to some degree I just need to suck it up and work like every other person to put food on the table and save for life things. However, there’s been something in my brain that hasn’t let me do it. My subconscious hasn’t allowed me to make decisions that cause me any unhappiness. Instead- I’ve just sat, daydreaming and longing for this life as a renown artist, expecting opportunities to be thrown at me from all directions.

Now, there’s nothing I want more than to work super hard in the right direction. But- what direction?

ASKING THE IMPOSSIBLE

I’m sat here now, at what was my Dad’s desk, thinking about what he would do if he was me. It’s hard to tell- the amount of times he told me to quit my jobs in retail because of how unhappy they made me and the amount of times he told me to work for myself, it’s hard to know what to do. I’m asking the impossible now, but how do I get to where I want to be without sacrificing my happiness for one second? It’s taken me so long since my Dad passed away to get this happiness and I don’t want to let go of it. Sure, I’m not happy all the time- obviously. I still get very emotional about Dad, frustrated with my progress in the gym, angry at the news, jealous of other artist’s studio spaces, heartbroken about not being able to attend a certain exhibition in San Francisco and unsatisfied with the tasteless stir fry I just made- life can’t be happy all the time. But one thing I can control, is the happiness I feel in my everyday job.

Over the last few months, I’ve been making and selling artwork, which is great. But I want to dig deeper. I’m going to start fresh and make more of an effort to immerse myself into the real world of art, to meet other artists, attend events and visit galleries more frequently. I’m heading to London next week, want to meet for a coffee and talk about art?

In addition, I’m going to start from scratch and push the reset button with my studio practice. Therefore, my studio needs to be emptied. Find marked down original artwork at my shop.

AN ADVENTURE ARTIST

Lately, I’ve been looking, listening, exploring and studying in order to develop a new process of making artwork. This artwork won’t just be medium on a surface, representing this and that, it will be artwork that is honest with an engaging disposition. In the past I’ve been selfish with my way of making artwork because I needed to be. Now that I’m on the other side of grief, where it’s less raw and more manageable, I’m now yearning to make honest artwork for myself and others.

For so long, I’ve taken where I live for granted. So, over the next few months, I’m going to hop in my Ford Fiesta (or Jon’s Audi when he’s acting as my chauffeur) and drive to places here in the UK, seeking colour, texture, sound and conversation.

With new adventures, will come new artwork and I’m labelling myself as an adventure artist.

Now I’ve just got to figure out how I’m going to actually do this.

Come on, brain. You’ve got this.

Tuning in For a Happy Mind

September 1st, 2017 by Emma

When people are not happy and/or going through a bout of depression, many march their way to the self-help section in a book store or Google into oblivion, searching things like ‘how to get happy’, ‘what to do when you’re bored’, ‘why do I feel down for no reason?’ etc. etc. What I’ve learned this year is that you don’t necessarily need a book or an answer to a specific question, you just need to be in tune with yourself.

I don’t know about you, but I used to be obsessed with Google, convinced it had all of the answers to my obsessive questions about why I feel a certain way and how to snap out of it. Last year, when I suffered from awful hypochondria, I’d spend all day hunting for a diagnosis by reading articles about every physical symptom I had. Doing this actually made me more ill, more obsessive and more unhappy- my aches and pains worsened and new symptoms would come from no where. I ignored statistics and told myself that I was actually dying. The scariest thing about all of this is that it was entirely my own mind that was the cause. Apart from being undernourished from not being able to eat much, I was physically healthy. Mentally- not so much.

(Obviously, if you are worried about your health, go to your doctor. I’m not telling you to ignore physical symptoms, just don’t obsessively use Google to find your answer.)

So, being in tune with yourself. What do I mean?

I mean getting to know yourself, as a human being. Pinpointing when you’re tired, hungry, happy, sad, jealous- whatever. If you can distinguish between different feelings emotionally and physically, you’re getting in tune with yourself.

How does this translate into a happy mind? Surely feeling sad and jealous isn’t a happy mind?

No, this is just being a human. In life, feelings of anger, frustration and envy are unavoidable. When I talk about having a ‘happy mind’, I don’t necessarily mean a mind that can only experience the emotion of happiness- that wouldn’t be realistic. A ‘happy mind’ is a mind that you know, a mind that isn’t clouded and a mind that you can control.

Being in tune with yourself means that you recognise when you feel certain emotions and understand why you feel them. It also means that you know the needs of your mind and body. You’re not being very kind to yourself if you don’t at least try to understand your feelings, or if you’re not giving your body what it needs to function at it’s best. Your personal development would certainly be stunted. So, why not try and get in tune and find out how to be the best you you can be (under your circumstances)?

For me to be in tune, I consider the following:

SLEEP: Do I get too much or too little? How much sleep do I need for my mind and body to feel right?
WORK: When do I work best? Am I an early bird or a night owl? Is my work organised? Do I actually like my job? Of course!
DIET: Do I have a balanced diet? What do I eat and does my body like it? Do I bloat? If so, do I know what triggers it?
EXERCISE: Do I get enough and does my body like/need the amount I’m doing? Is my form right? Am I progressing? Do I have a goal here?
LADY THINGS: Do I still have periods and am I in sync with my cycle? I use the MyFlo app.
APPEARANCE: Am I content with the way I look? Is my appearance making me unhappy? If so, what do I need to do to change? Okay- 99% of the time I don’t focus on this one. I’m an artist and this means that I get away with looking scruffy.
GOALS: Do I know what I want? Have I written down my goals and considered what I want in life? Have I analysed whereabouts I am and assessed whether anything needs to change?
FEARS: What am I scared of and why? Can I face these fears? Do I know what I’m capable of/incapable of? Read this post about facing fears.
FACTS: What actually makes me happy/unhappy? Have I made an effort to do more of what makes me happy and less of what makes me unhappy? Why am I feeling this way- jealous/angry/emotional?

Considering these aspects of my life has enabled me to really know who the frick Emma Howell is, and it’s really eye-opening. For those who feel a little lost, I totally recommend sitting down with a notebook and figuring out how you work. Use my list as a starting point, if you wish.

You will only ever be one person, so you might as well make an effort with that person.

Look after yourself, physically and mentally and get a happy mind by tuning in to your mind and body’s mechanics.

Thank you for reading. As always, message me here if you want to comment on this post. Follow along with my journey as an artist and adventurer on Instagram.

Credit to Jon Munson, my boyfriend and the guitarist featured, who is always in tune.

Credit to the genius Mari Andrew, who inspired this illustration that I drew a while back at the start of my journey.

Upcoming Work: Project Crete

August 29th, 2017 by Emma

Can you believe that summer is almost over? The year anniversary of my Dad’s death is looming, the mornings are darker and cooler, and the leaves are just starting to think about changing their colours. Are you feeling disheartened about the end of summer, or are you super ready and excited for autumn?

Despite the fact that I think this year’s summer has gone by really quickly, I’m actually feeling pretty cool about it. Perhaps I feel this way because I have a holiday on the horizon..

At the end of September, my family and I are off for a long break to Crete, Greece. Naturally, I’m going to take full advantage out of this and lug my art supplies with me to do some serious fieldwork.

Over the last few weeks, you may have seen on my Instagram that I’ve been doing some extensive research and explorations of colour, marks and compositions. This is all in preparation for a new collection aiming to be released early in 2018 (most likely a bit later because there is a lot going on). It feels so invigorating to be busy- does that sound strange? I feel more energetic, more worthy and more alive. Those past months of nothingness have made me really appreciate being busy and having a mind that’s focused and on the ball 24/7.

So, all of this busyness in the studio is now going to transfer over to Crete in September, to make “Project Crete”.

PROJECT CRETE

This small project will be a stepping stone towards the evolution and development of the new collection (2018). It will be all about interpreting, gathering, documenting and experimenting. Across the 14 days, 14 artworks on spiral bound paper will be given life (and most likely a sketchbook of scribbles and a notebook of short essays). The blank paper will act as a sponge, soaking up the day just past- it’s colours, textures, sounds, smells and conversations. After the 14 days, the works will represent adventures, meditation and creativity experienced in the beautiful Island of Crete. Again, like the Happy Santorini collection, this project will be dedicated to mental health awareness because as always, creating artwork is one of the many things I do to keep my mind happy.

PREPARATION

At the moment, there has been a lot of colour going on in my studio. I’ve been wanting to learn more about colour and get to know how and why we all see them differently. Why is it that the colour orange is linked to humour and also danger? and why is it that the colour green is known to represent envy/greed and also growth/vitality? It’s made me want to get in tune with the way I see colours, how they make me feel and which waves of the visual spectrum I am attracted/not attracted to. So, I’ve mixed up 14 recipes of my own colours, named them, written about them and documented them. They’re now coming with me to Crete.

PACKING LIST

Fluid acrylics, 30ml (variety of colours- don’t go mad)
Acrylic medium
Plastic jar for water- thanks to Pip and Nut
Daler Rowney spiral bound A5 paper
Soft pastels (limited colours)
Tin of pencils
Paintbrushes (variety of sizes)
A palette knife
2 blank small sketchbooks
1 blank small notebook
Fine liners and biros
SLR (and memory card)
Orange notebook full of secrets

PROCESS

I’m a lot more focused and energetic in the morning. So, after a quick workout, I’ll then get to work on the artwork that will reflect the day before. Who knows how long each artwork will take- I usually like to take my time working in layers with my works but obviously, I’m on holiday and intend to go out and about with my family. I also want to soak up the environment, the colours, the culture and the sounds- so, I need time for that! You’ll be able to follow along with my adventures in Crete on my Instagram. Please be aware that the artwork created will not be released until I return. I seriously need a holiday and my business brain needs to switch off, otherwise it will burn out!

The originals and prints of the “Project Crete” artworks will be available at my online store mid-October.

FURTHER DEVELOPMENT

Once our time in Crete comes to an end and all 14 artworks are complete, they will be coming back to my studio with me to be assessed. These works will then lead into further development of the new collection. If I’m super organised before we leave, my studio space and supplies will be all set up and ready for me to crack on with the new works straight away. Stay tuned because things are going to get interesting..

Thank you for reading. As always, if you’d like to get in touch, please message me here.

A note on inauthenticity and plagiarism- I am trying to be as private as possible at the moment to protect my practice. I’ve started to realise that when us artists show the ins and outs of our way of working and share all our ideas with our audiences on Instagram, some aspects of plagiarism can occur. Photographs of our works in progress or pages in our notebooks are not academic essays that are going to be screened and checked for plagiarism, so it’s easy for anybody to replicate ideas. I mean, sure- be inspired by others and experiment with different mediums seen on feeds, but when it comes to actually replicating words and artworks, surely it’s pushing the boundaries a bit too much? (What do you think?- let me know here). At the end of the day, there isn’t really much we can do but to just keep our heads down and focus on our own goals.

Path to Happiness: My Story

August 20th, 2017 by Emma

I wrote this post with quite a heavy heart. It talks about my experience with depression, anxiety and bereavement. I’m sharing quite personal information with you here, so if you’re sensitive to hearing about quite distressing life situations- I’d advise maybe to miss this post out.

I was unhappy. I mean, extremely unhappy. I dreaded both waking up in the morning and going to bed at night. It was an endless cycle of depression. Waking up meant that a day of sadness, anxiety and emptiness was about to begin. Going to bed meant 3 hours of insomnia and then an anxious and sweaty sleep- the catalyst to the feared morning.

Before my recent transition into working as an artist, I had 8 months of unemployment. I couldn’t face the world outside my own home and had very little energy, so I physically and mentally couldn’t go back to work. I spent many days, too many days, pacing my living room floor trying to find things to do that would fill the time. There were only so many dishes I could wash, inches of carpet I could vacuum and images on Instagram I could swipe through- comparing my life to others. I was stuck in an unusually comfortable hole of grief, frustration and fear.

As many of you now know, my Dad passed away last September from advanced metastatic cancer. From the initial doctors appointment (for a slight cough) to dying, was 6 weeks. We didn’t even get his diagnosis until the day he died. So, this wasn’t just a shock, it just wasn’t happening- at all. My mind wouldn’t accept it. I’d never really lost anyone close to me before. What even was death? Where was he? Can he hear me? I hadn’t ever needed to think about it before. I couldn’t stop thinking that a person, any person, can have these awful things growing inside of them and be totally unaware, until it’s too late. It’s utterly terrifying.

After he passed, I can honestly say that I feared the mere act of existing. I kept thinking: who’s next? Is it me? I could be terminally ill and not know it, just like Dad. So many awful thoughts crossed my mind. My mind became so overactive, suspicious and obsessive, I began to lose all sense of reality. Everyday, I convinced myself a little more that I had cancer and that I had only a few months left to live. So much so, I developed severe pains in my chest, under my ribs and back. Most nights, it felt as though someone was sitting on my chest. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t really even talk to anybody. It got to the point where I had a paramedic called out at 3am, hooking me up to an ECG machine and trying to calm me down. I also claimed on my medical insurance, saw private doctors and admitted myself to A&E, demanding a chest X-Ray and second opinions. On top of this, I’d also convinced myself that my mum and boyfriend were both terminally ill with cancer. I was ‘certain’ that they’d lost weight and looked unwell and focused on every last detail- their coughs, their diet, the colour of their eyes/skin, the shape of their legs- no joke. It was utter madness.

As I write this, I actually laugh. That might sound odd to you- but now, I honestly can’t understand or even access those thoughts. Ok, the laugh is actually more of a bouncing sigh of relief. Its just unreal what your mind can do.

Have you ever been there? Or are you there? I can thankfully say that I have escaped and scrambled out of the hole. You can too. Your mind is a powerful thing and it’s truly incredible what sh*t you can get through.

What did I do to escape that Salvador Dali painting of a life? Well, I did numerous things- counselling sessions, reading books, meditation and a few other things that did help a lot, but what helped me the most to change my way of thinking was to not only make art but to also write. By ‘write’, I don’t mean writing down negative thoughts and fears onto a piece of paper and throwing them in the bin. I mean writing down positive things. Things like: a daily schedule, what exercise to do today, what chores to do today, who I’m grateful for today, what I’m excited about today etc. I learned how to organise my days, my weeks, my life. As a result, I learned how to organise the mechanics in my head.

[Not an Ad, just a recommendation]

I did this with ‘The Happiness Planner ’, created by Mo Seetubtim. If your mind is not happy and you’re struggling with anxiety and/or depression or you just need to sort your life out, I urge you to get one.

The Happiness Planner is very well thought out. At the beginning, there are pages that you need to fill in that ask you about what makes you happy/unhappy, what your strengths/weaknesses are, what habits you’d like to improve on, what your dreams/goals are etc. These pages make you think. No more blankness is allowed, no more ‘I don’t know’ and no more ‘I don’t mind’. These questions enable you to realise that you are in charge of your own life and your own happiness- all you have to do is think, decide and write. Nothing is set in stone, things can change- but just write things down and get started. You got this.

After the introductory pages, you then get started on filling in day-by-day (like a diary). For the first 6 months of using this planner, I would start filling out this page as soon as I woke up and then finish right before I went to bed (without fail). For the last two months, I’ve been on and off filling these pages in because I’ve been so busy. I see this as a really positive thing because I’ve obviously started to not need it everyday- which means improvement!

At the end and beginning of every month, you’re asked to reflect and plan. This was super important for me because it made me analyse and think really hard about what I’d physically and mentally done that month. Before using this planner, I’d let so many days just roll into the next, never knowing/caring what the date was, floating through life. So, filling these pages in forced me to assess how I’d done, eventually making me realise that I was getting better and enjoying life again. Planning for the next month was also great because it taught me to get excited about things and set goals for myself.

So, to have a happy mind, write, plan and organise your life.

Has ‘The Happiness Planner’ helped you too? Or has something else helped you? Please let me know by sending me a message here.

Thank you for reading my story and also for supporting my practice as an artist- it really does mean a lot. Follow along with my journey on Instagram.

You’re Awesome As You Are

August 11th, 2017 by Emma

I am not using this post to preach. These words I write are not intended to make you change your life. These words represent the way my mind works. I’d rather you didn’t see them as words of advice- more as words of mindfulness and words that just randomly show up at the end of my fingertips. I just want you to be happy, so if you can empathise with this post or have any opinions about it, please let me know.

Words that I keep hearing from someone, who heard from someone etc. etc. are “everyone is on their own journey”. You can read these words as total cheese but when I read them, I think yesss. These words can relate to your relationships, your career, your health, anything. Everyone is doing their own thing, so really, we should be keeping our nose’s out of each other’s journeys and focusing on our own.

I’ve started to be more mindful about this because I kept finding myself unsettled when people act like some things in life are “fixed” or have a “set time”. Life shouldn’t be seen like this- surely, we should be living in a way that feels right just for ourselves and not trying to live like the person next to us. There is no “set age” to get married, there is no “set price” for a piece of artwork, there is no “set time” to eat your lunch and there is certainly no “set time” to hit life goals. From talking to friends, reading articles and flicking through social media- I see that people are kicking themselves for not conforming to “standards” set by.. set by who!? What standards? Why do we think that we should all live up to the same “standards” (whatever they are) and also, why do we judge others by our own “standards” (whatever they are)? I say ‘we’ as a generalisation here.

An example of a typical judgement is when people get engaged- some do after being together for 6 weeks/months and some do after being together for 10, 15 or even 20 years! The point is, they want to get married- it shouldn’t matter to us when it happens; that’s their journey, not ours. Why judge them for something that fundamentally makes them happy? If these marriages fail or succeed, 1. it’s none of anyone else’s business, 2. it’s not necessarily because of the time they got engaged and 3. it’s none of anyone else’s business (yes, I meant to write that one twice).

This is something that I’ve had to learn over time. We all compare ourselves to each other, and social media makes this super easy to do- I still do it on occasions!

It’s about being mindful about your own life and what makes you happy. If your sister is getting engaged- it doesn’t mean that you have to, if your friend is going to the gym- it doesn’t mean that you have to, if that artist is painting in a certain way- it doesn’t mean thats how you should be painting. You get the idea. There isn’t really a set way or time to do anything.

I think that when you start comparing yourself to others and keep trying to fit within these “standards”, you’re jeopardising yourself from having a happy mind. Your mind will actually become quite negative- you’ll beat yourself up about not going to the gym or not earning a certain about of money, you’ll resist socialising and you may start to walk down a path labelled “depression this way”. I’ve done it before and it’s ridiculous. So, if you’re doing this, it needs to stop. (Whoops- trying to give advice!)

In the past, I did the same when it came to making art. I saw many very successful artists, creating beautiful work and having hundreds of thousands of followers- and I thought to myself why can’t I make art like them?.. or what do they do that I don’t?.. or how can they afford such expensive materials? It’s one of those things- we compare, we get jealous, we get frustrated and a happy mind gets more and more out of our reach. Just stop doing it. If someone’s social profile really gets your goat or makes you feel bad about yourself, either don’t follow them or step back and congratulate them on their journey, then carry on with your own. Their journey is not yours in the slightest. You are you, they are them. Why do you think we all look different, sound different and smell different? Because we are different.

Over the last few months, I’ve embraced being different and started to find my own way of living, my own way of interpreting the world and my own way of making art. Read my story here.

Let’s all embrace being different.

To have a happy mind, do not conform to “standards” and make your own mark because you’re awesome as you are.

Check in next week for the next “Happy Mind 101” – it’s my birthday on the Friday, so it’s likely the next post will be up earlier on in the week!

See what I’ve been up to in the studio this week on Instagram.

Mind Yoga: Painting for your Mental Health

August 4th, 2017 by Emma

This second “Happy Mind 101” post was written to be the first one, but as I went rock climbing last week- it was only fitting that I post ‘Facing Your Fea rs’ first. In today’s post, I will very briefly touch base with the current status of social media in regards to mental health and also introduce you to my concept of ‘mind yoga’.

SOCIAL MEDIA – Instagram has gone health and fitness mad; have you noticed?

I think it’s great- don’t get me wrong. I definitely have my own little bubble of Instrgammers that I follow and admire- Zanna, Steph, Lee, Tally and Juli, to name a few. They’re super inspiring if you’re interested in having a healthier and more balanced lifestyle- so, go check them out. However, when it comes to mental health, and how to combat these types of problems- there isn’t a lot out there. There’s a lot about physical health, eating well and a few people talking about their own mental health problem (eating disorders, depression, PTSD etc), but not necessarily discussing different ways to actually get your mind happy. We’re all recommended the latest sports gear by affiliates and kept in the know about how to build a great booty, where to buy your summer bikini or how to level out your hormones– but what about how to have a happy mind? There are so many of us being influenced on this app right now, so I think that it would be really beneficial for a handful of us to discover (and be inspired by) people that are sharing their own ways of defeating their mental health problem/s. (Please feel free to message me your opinion on this and let me know if there are people out there that have inspired you- perhaps I just haven’t found them yet!)

Now, I’m not a therapist, a counsellor or a psychologist and I haven’t signed up for a career as any one of these admirable professions. The furthest I‘ve got in this field was studying 7 months of Psychology at university and then dropping out (great student). So, of course, I’m not one to be able to give the correct medical advice or brain training- and it’s not my intention to do that.

My intention is to just share with you my ‘mind yoga’, an approach that has helped me say goodbye to anxiety and depression- and helped me cope with the loss of my Dad. I’ve been down that hole.. the hole of not eating, not sleeping, not socialising, not caring about anything, at all– closing myself off to everyone that cared about me and essentially feeling like a wandering plastic bag on a fast motorway. It’s really frightening, and it’s discomforting to know that right now there are millions of people suffering just like I did and even much much worse.

I don’t want to say that I’ve cured or fixed myself because I know that once you’re susceptible to mental health problems, there’s ‘always a chance it may return’. Many things can trigger it- almost like an eating disorder- for me, whenever I hear the song that was played at my Dad’s funeral, I absolutely freak out; my heart races and I detach myself from the world for a moment. What I’ve learned is that this behaviour is fine- I mean, of course it’s going to happen, my Dad has died. Even typing that makes me feel a bit flustered- tummy butterflies appear and I subconsciously shake my head and close my eyes. Nevertheless, I’m coping a lot more now and I can honestly put most of it down to what I’m about to talk about: exercising your mind.

MIND YOGA – These two words have popped up now and again over social media but I’ve never really looked into how/why other people are using them (perhaps I should). I use the term ‘mind yoga’ to represent exercises you can carry out and things you could consider to make your mind happy (or at least happier).

Forgive me, I’m generalising quite a bit here – people have their own ways to make themselves happier.. going on holiday, seeing friends, watching a movie, doing a workout etc. For many people these types of things are just what they need to top up their mostly positive life, which is great! Unfortunately, for some, these things only act as a plaster and the happiness they gain is very short-lived. So, if this is the case, what can you do to get a happy mind and keep it?

My “Happy Mind 101” posts talk about different ways to get and keep your mind happy. I can’t change your life and I can’t fix you, but what I can do is tell you about things that I’ve done and things that I take into consideration to keep my mind happy.

It’s mind yoga- where you keep your mind open, in tune and happy.

Come back next week for the next “Happy Mind 101”.

Read last weeks here.

Catch me on Instagram, where you’ll see my number one method of ‘mind yoga’ that I practice on a daily basis. (Hint: it’s my job.)

Why You Should Face Your Fears

July 29th, 2017 by Emma

Riding a bike.

Rock climbing.

Scuba diving.

Foxes.

Being an artist.

All of these scare me. What scares you?

The only thing in this list that I haven’t faced (or will face) is foxes. Absolutely not, nope, no, not going to happen- I can’t. It’s a phobia I’ve had since I was very small; even looking at photographs of them makes me cringe and hide away. No, thank you.

The other things on the list, I’ve faced or will face.

A while back, my mum told me that when I was little, and saw her in distress, I once said to her ‘face your fears, mummy’- how wise is that!?

In life, fear is an emotion that we can’t really avoid. There will always be something unexpected that scares us and we have to deal with it- anything from spiders in the bathroom or creepy messages on social media, to a medical diagnosis or the death of a family member; it’s life and we need to accept that.

However, what about the things that scare us that we don’t necessarily have to face? For me, riding a bike was a huge elephant in the room during my entire childhood, teenage years and the start of my twenties. I tired to learn a few times when I was very young but apparently I just ‘didn’t get it’; being a cyclist obviously wasn’t for me. For years and years, I refused to get on a bike and I’d avoid any weekends away, excursions, holidays or clubs that involved riding one. My friends and family would joke that I should ‘just use stabilisers’ but no chance was I going to be a 15 year old (trying to look cool for the boys) using stabilisers!? Anyway, it didn’t bother me being left behind, so I never had the drive to want to learn; I put it right on the back burner.

Until last year, 23 years of age, I got on a bike and fricking did it; I learnt how to ride a bike. I couldn’t really get away with it any longer, seeing as though my boyfriend is super keen on outdoor activities.

Riding that bike through the forest, with smells of flowers up my nose, the sound of rustling leaves above and the butterflies whirling around in my stomach.. it felt exhilarating. I couldn’t believe that I deprived myself of this for so long; how fricking silly. I’ve now got my own bike, I’ve been on numerous cycle rides and I’m now confident to get from A to B on a bicycle- awesome, box ticked!

Another fear I’ve now faced is rock climbing (another activity I always avoided at school and ended up pony-trekking instead). I hate heights, I hate feeling restricted, I find it hard to trust people and I’ve never seen the point in climbing up some rocks. But one day, I tagged a long with Jon (boyfriend) to indoor rock climbing. I’d been acting like a real bore, refusing to go because I was too scared, or too full from dinner, or too tired- enough was enough, I’m trying to better myself, so I’m going to go rock climbing.

OK- it was scary and I wasn’t crazy keen on the first experience but you know what? After a few times going, I’ve started to realise that it’s fun, challenging and a good workout. So, yet another thing gained from facing a fear!

(When I read this post to Jon he told me to tell you that on my first rock climbing experience I climbed to the top and totally rocked- pun intended.)

As you know, I’m also an artist. This is scary every single day, but it’s a good scary. Challenging your creativity is super hard and to then put yourself out there, showing the scary world your artwork is really terrifying. What if people hate it? Does it look like a 5 year old did this? Am I charging too much/too little? Why is my website not getting as much engagement? How come my orders have slowed down? There are so many things to worry about and to be scared of- but it’s not stopping me. Be scared, be worried, be a bit self-conscious.. all of these feelings make you push harder and ignite ambition. I very much acknowledge these fears I have day to day in my job and if anything, they make me more confident- they enable me to push boundaries, work super hard and most importantly, believe in myself. (Read more about how I became a full time artist here ).

Facing fears makes you feel really good. It makes you feel proud, strong and confident. Obviously, there will be fears you face that aren’t enjoyable at the time, like when I had to look after my Dad when he was sick or when I went to see a therapist; these were really tough- but, I’m so glad I faced them.

I like to think that there will always be some type of positive outcome after facing your fears. Whether it be more time, a new hobby, a new friend, earning some money or just the feeling of not being scared anymore- it’s worth it.

To have a happy mind, you need to have an open mind. So, make sure you open your mind up to things that may scare you- try rock climbing, do a sky dive, call that friend you’re avoiding, take care of the next spider yourself, go to the doctors, paint, write- anything! Do an activity that is totally not you, listen to music you totally don’t think is you, face those fears that you’ve been avoiding for days, months or even years, like me.

I keep saying this to everyone I know- life is too short to not do things, see things and hear things.. make the most of it, even if it scares you.

The dark sea scares me, the feeling of seaweed swishing against my feet makes me feel ill and being surrounded by fish fills me with terror- so, guess what I’m doing in September? Scuba diving.

A happy mind is a confident mind. So, just fricking do it.

Follow my journey as an artist and adventurer on Instagram.

Welcome!

March 3rd, 2017 by Emma

It’s been a long time coming, but coding geek Jon Munson and I have finally put our heads together to create my new portfolio and blog page! I’m not just here to promote myself as a working Artist. I’m also here to inspire and motivate, as a person who (after many many years of setbacks) is finally hitting goals, fulfilling dreams and sustaining happiness. You can do it too. As Dale Carnegie said, “if you want to conquer fear, don’t sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy” in this book.

If this is your first time here, let me introduce myself..

My name is Emma and I am an Artist, a Designer and a Photographer from the UK. You’ve reached my portfolio website, where I will be documenting past, present and future creative projects in:

Drawing
Painting
Photography
Graphic Design

I will also be providing you with regular blog content that splits into 3 categories:

#Art

#Design

#Lifestyle

Cue the cliché: I’m a true believer in a balanced life (aren’t we all nowadays), therefore, I find it important that you don’t just see my work life; I want to let you in on the other parts that make me.. you know, a real person. So, in addition to arty things, I will be writing about various aspects of my lifestyle that generally relate to food, fitness, mental health, travel and other ‘normal’ life things.

I’ll be telling you how it is; there will be no fakery here, nuh-uh. I’m a person, like you. I eat, sleep, cry, laugh and burn toast regularly. I pick my spots when I know I shouldn’t, I still have teddies on my bed, I hate it when plans change and I’ve watched all of The Big Bang Theory three times over.

Know me a little better now?

Here’s more: I don’t particularly care about what I wear, I hate wearing make-up and I ironically spend an obscene amount of money dying my hair, despite it being a frizzy mess most of the time- but that’s me, so it won’t be changing anytime soon.

More: My lovely Dad passed away last year from metastatic cancer; he was a quiet man but an incredible musician (the best in fact) and he will always be an inspiration to me. His passing was actually one of the reasons why I’ve restarted a blog, redesigned my portfolio and found my creativity again.

On a lighter note, I have a top class Mum, everyone tells me; she’s the life and soul of a party and will sing you Dancing Queen whenever, wherever. I have an older brother; he has a foul mouth and an Oreo tattooed on his a*se, but he’s alright. His wife (my new Sister-in-law!) is a forever-smiling, smoothie-making and powerlifting champ, who we all call Saint Hannah. Lastly, let’s all take our hats off to the geek behind this awesomely built website, the guitar-noodling, head-banging and adventure KING, Jon Munson, my boyfriend. (If you find any glitches, let me know, he’ll sort it out.)

Now, some of you may be wondering about the previous blog posts listed on my site.. They’re all mine and they’re all honest, but they are not current. They were written as part of my University course and I’ve left them here to remind me of how far I’ve come. By all means, have a read.

Anyway, welcome to my new portfolio, my new blog and my new attitude. Thank you for being awesome and checking me out, I really appreciate it.

Speak soon.

-Emma

Motivation and Positivity

September 26th, 2013 by Emma

So yet again.. I’m guilty of being a bad blogger.

On a non art-related note.. Over the past few weeks, I’ve had a lot on my plate; Started a new job at H&M (whilst continuing my job at the Ale House), said goodbye to my beautiful bestfriend who moved to Florida, travelled to Greece for a quick holiday, managed to miss my flight home through sheer disorganization (costing me my whole summer savings) and welcomed a new puppy (Rambo) to the family. Currently, I am running the Howell household, as my parents take a 2 week trip abroad- so I have the joys of picking up mountains of puppy excrement, extracting numerous foreign objects from a certain mouth (rulers, stones, plastic chunks, newspaper, moss- you get the idea..)- as well as having the responsibility to care for,medicate and take wee samples from our 16 year old lab, Barney (who Rambo cannot help but nose dive and launch himself at constantly- leaving Barney not impressed at all.) Anyway, as well as having this huge responsibility, I’m juggling two jobs and conveniently starting my second year of Uni.. So, I’ve been very busy, too busy to be a fantastic blogger- heck, I can’t even think to be witty or correct my grammar/punctuation mistakes.

Anyway, lets talk arty things- I’m now beginning my second year.. It’s finally arrived- despite the fact this feels very much like I’m starting my 4th year of University (due to previous wrong decisions..), I’m actually excited. I’m starting to feel the want to paint things, print things, write things- I even said the other day that ‘I CAN’T WAIT to write an essay!’, it sounds crazy.. but I’m itching to get my brain into gear- because lets face it- I’m fed up with the backache of retail and the beer stench that comes with pub work (yes I will still be working for now, but hours will be reduced..). I want to actually THINK and use my brain, not be in robot mode.

Over the summer, the task was to come up with a proposal of what ideas we have for our projects this year.. My previous blog post stated my initial thoughts and ideas- I still very much want to create a project which is personal to me, something that reflects my personality and what things I’m passionate about.. So, I thought maybe I could create motivational pieces of art which give messages to others about the things I think are important in life, like exercise, well-being, health, happiness, positivity (these are all things that I am working on personally in life right now, so it would be great to show my peers my progression and perhaps even persuade them to step back and think about what’s important to them). Right now, it looks as though I want to develop this idea through the means of photography, painting and screen-printing in an ‘advertising’ style. Andy Warhol has inspired me to use bright colours, text and printing to emphasise the importance of the messages I’m trying to put across. To put my own spin on things, I might take photos of people exercising, paint the scene in an abstract unique style (that I developed from first year), then screen print something on the top… not too sure what yet. Obviously my thoughts and plans are slightly clouded now.. things may change.. it’s early stages! Baby steps.

That’s all for now.

Key things are- to keep motivated and stay positive